"Comparison is the thief of joy" - Theodore Roosevelt

Having a paradigm of abundance is believing that there is an infinite amount of potential success in the world. The opposite is a paradigm of scarcity; believing that there is finite amount of success. In the world of scarcity, when others succeed it means there is less success available for you. It means it is only possible for you to succeed when others fail. This is the mindset that gives rise to jealousy.

Analyze Pop Culture

If you see Gigi Hadid and think that her beauty makes you less beautiful, that’s a logical fallacy. It’s an error of comparison. One does not discount the other, for one is an apple and one is an orange.

Here’s a way you can prove this theory to yourself, if you didn’t believe me when I compared you to a supermodel ;).

Think of your favourite actor. Now think of your favourite film that does not have that actor in it.

One of my favourite films is Bridget Jones’s Diary. The lead actor of that film is Renee Zellweger. Many other actresses were considered for the role including Rachel Weisz and Kate Winslet. The fact that neither of them were in the film does not make them any less great as actors. It also doesn’t make Bridget Jones's Diary any less of a great film despite the fact that neither Rachel nor Kate were in it. Renee, Rachel and Kate are all great actors but they’re also all different. The success of one does not detract from the success of another. We live in a world where all three actors have Oscars.

Cherish Your Friends to Change Your Perspective

I’m not saying that letting go of comparison is easy. What inspired me to write this essay is my own struggle with comparison. I find myself constantly comparing myself to my peers or to strangers on the internet.

One strategy that’s supported me is to think of my own friends and how much I love them "just as they are" (like in Bridget Jones when Colin Firth tells Renee Zellweger he likes her "just as she is"). I think of the wonderful people I'm blessed to have as friends and I think of everything that makes them brilliant and beautiful. I also like to sometimes create a little taxonomy of all the little details that make up their lives.

When you shift your perspective and remove yourself from the centre of your paradigm, it's easier to see how we as individuals fit within a larger framework. Instead of each of us being the centre of our own universe and comparing our kingdoms to rival states, imagine us all as denizens of the same realm; all equal, not one better or less than the other.

Mind maps are a great tool to try for this strategy. Here's an example of one I did, using 3 of my friends:

Make Art

It's in this way that I was thinking about the flower world. I love finding wildflowers and whenever I do find one, I don't compare it to its neighbour. Similarly, I'm trying hard to not compare myself to my neighbours.

I created this photo series to remind myself and others that comparison is the thief of joy. You can't compare yourself to another much like you can't compare flowers. When you line either up, side by side, the shapes don't align.

What a shame it would be if they did.

For her 100th birthday, Doris Rittinger received 37 birthday cards.

At 100 years old, Doris has lived through two world wars, the Great Depression, and on two continents. She’s been married, widowed, raised a family, worked, retired and then some.

I first met her on a lovely fall day in her apartment that overlooks the Grand River. Her living room is decorated with beautiful canvases that she painted herself. Intelligent, engaging and kind as can be, Doris was stylishly dressed all in purple with bright red lipstick.

Although Doris’s story still has chapters to be written, her story is a shining example of what it means to live a full, good life.

The Life and Times of Doris Rittinger

Doris was born in Woodstock, in February of 1915. The war had started the year before and her father had enlisted at the age of 20. Her mother had originally come to Canada a few years earlier to be where she had family, a brother and a sister.

During the war, her Father was stationed in France. “When I was 10 months old, he wrote to my mother and said ‘you might as well come here.’ My mother’s parents were in England, so we moved and he met us there when he was on leave,” says Doris. “We crossed an ocean in the middle of the Great War.”

While in England, her mother had run a housekeeping business and had saved all the money for them to move back to Woodstock. After the war, like most families, Doris’s family lived through terrible depression.

Back in Canada, Doris’s father started a business selling goods to farmers. “My father peddled goods with a team of horses: Easy and Topsy. He took his van all through the country. It wasn’t until they started to build the Welland canal, that work got better,” says Doris.

“When they started hiring people to work on the new Peace Bridge, I gave my dad lessons in Customs and Immigration, and he got a good job. We had a nice house, and I had new friends,” says Doris. The year that they moved to Welland, was the same year that the Prince of Wales visited.

“As a teenager, in the evenings and after school, my mother always wanted me to play bridge with her. She needed a fourth. But you know I wanted to go skating,” says Doris. “One day, I was skating by myself and this young man came up and took my arm. He didn’t even say a word, just skated away with me. We went out for five years.”

Doris was 24 when they married, her husband 28. Although that may seem older than usual for the time, Doris’s husband worked for the Bank of Commerce, and the bank’s employees were unable to marry until they reached a certain salary. As Doris puts it, “We were going out for a while waiting, until finally my husband said to his boss, ‘I’d like to get married when I’m still alive, you know!’”

During that time, it was uncommon for women to work outside the home. Doris was raising two daughters while her husband worked, and on his salary they rented different apartments around town. There was something about renting though that didn’t sit well with Doris. “My husband didn’t think it was good for us to have our own home, but I said ‘I can’t help it. I want my own home.’’

The new house they had built cost them $10,000. They had borrowed money to have it built, and one day in particular, Doris’s husband came home and said he felt uncomfortable about their debt and how difficult their expenses had become. The next day, without saying a word to her husband, Doris went out and got a job at the hospital. She worked there for 3 years until their debt was completely paid off.

It was this same strong will and independence that allowed Doris to finish high school. “Lots of my relatives didn’t think I should finish school. They said, “What does she need high school for?” but I wanted to go. I always liked literature and I was terrified of using English improperly, so I wanted to continue, to better myself. Looking back, I’m always glad I did that.”

Another thing that’s remarkable about Doris is that she’s never stopped enjoying life. She first learned to ride a bike in her sixties and to this day, is an avid reader. “I don’t like Danielle Steel at all. But I do like romantic novels, just not the cheap, dirty ones. I also like murder mysteries because they keep your attention every minute,” says Doris.

When asked what the secret to a happy life is, Doris says “romance.” One of the most difficult times in Doris’s life was when her husband had cancer. “We were young and in our forties, when he had it,” says Doris. “I lived off just tea during that time.” Although her husband’s cancer went into remission, it returned many years later. “The hardest part was that his cancer returned after he had been given the “all clear” at his yearly checkup. After his cancer went into remission, he had to get it checked every year at Princess Margaret’s in Toronto. The year he died, they gave him the “all clear” and two weeks later when he was at his family doctor, they said it had returned and was in his pancreas. He died six weeks after that.”

When I asked Doris if she had any advice or wisdom to impart on young people today she said, “I think wisdom comes naturally with your bringing up.”

Just for fun, I've also shared a short video of Doris in the blog section. Find it here.

Edit: This post was originally published in Spring 2015. On January 26, 2019, Doris passed away in her 104th year. Thank you Doris for giving us a beautiful example of a life well lived with intention, passion and courage.

Let Go of Jealousy: Use Pop Culture, Art & Friendship